Cold
by SamPhantom95
Summary: Ciel is alone, scared, and cold. He is broken into pieces when his butler is not around. But is Sebastian truly gone? Or is he closer than he thinks?
1. Chapter 1 - The Fear

**Cold **

The moon is so bright. So bright, it makes me sick. The light always makes me sick. It reminds me of the time when I was happy. When I laughed, when I smiled…

Here I sit on the crisp cold sheets of my bed, my knees pulled up to my chest and my thin arms wrapped around them as if I was trying to keep myself away from everything that surrounded me. I use to be like that.

The sound of my beating heart echoes throughout the room, making it sound like I was the only one alive here. I needed something. Something to grasp. Something to hold onto…

Sebastian, where are you?

That damn butler! He prepared me for bed and didn't say a word after. Normally he would say something idiotic or useless, and then a goodnight. But not tonight. He was not himself. He was good at hiding something, but his face was an open book.  
What happened Sebastian? You fool, damn you.

You…my butler, who said with his very own words that you will stick by my side until the day I attain my revenge…is gone. But are you truly? I cannot sense you, I can feel it. I can feel that you're not in the mansion. I did not give you any order to leave!

But why…why am I going insane with the thought of you gone? Why?

I start to sob. This pain, this unexplainable sorrow. Why? Why? That's all I've been saying in my head, but I want to know!

My heart starts to hurt, my head spinning and my hands shaking. I began to grow cold. My body freezes as the sobs take over. WHY AM I LOSING MYSELF OVER MY GOD DAMN BUTLER?!

"SEBASTIAN!" I scream out into the night. The moon mocks me by shining through my window.

I am cold. I am cold. I am frozen. I am frozen. I am gone.

I would NEVER say this in front of anyone, including Sebastian….but I am lost. I am reaching out for something that is not even there.

"SEBASTIAN! SEBASTIAN! SEBASTIAN!" I call over and over again without the hope of him coming back.

Outside the Mansion…

"My lord, you are the foolish one I must say. I never truly left you. That one day, when you were on your own in Paris…you still survived without me there. So why is this so different?" Sebastian said as if the young master was next to him.

Sebastian was only testing out what he thought he felt that day. I felt something that bothered the young master. He felt a sense of insecurity, a need to be close to something. Sebastian didn't entirely understand what this all meant but he thought he would try something to see if his senses were right. And as predicted, the young master broke.

On his way back to the mansion, "Young Master, you must understand that I am in no position to leave you without an order. That was our deal. We are bound by an invisible connection, just like the seal, whether I am next to you or far away from you."

Sebastian was at Ciel's bedroom door and knocked very lightly before entering. There sat his young master in a fetal position, shivering and sniffing.

"Young Master? Are you alright?"

Ciel's head shot up at the sound of his voice and his eyes widened.

"S-Se-bastian…?"

Sebastian smiled. "Yes, it is me My Lord."

Sebastian felt the small body wrap himself for a second and then started to pound his fists on him like a helpless child.

"Where were you, I called your name, no I screamed your name and YOU DIDN'T COME WHEN I CALLED FOR YOU! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU…YOU IDIOT!"

Sebastian just smiled sadly and caught the small fists in his own gloved hands and ceased the continuous weak beating.

"My Lord, I heard you loud and clear. I apologize for taking so long to come up here. Now, what is it you need?"

Ciel stared up at him confused and yet…relieved.

"I-I…I just…"

"Yes, my Lord?"

"Humph, forget about it. I just…wanted to know…you were…still here." Ciel turned away.

"Of course Young Master, I am always here not matter what. You know that, am I right?"

Ciel was silent. He stared at the floor, starting to feel dizzy all of a sudden. He wobbled and collapsed but Sebastian caught him before he could hit the floor.

"Master!"

Sebastian carried Ciel to the bed and tucked him in, making sure he was warm in his sheets. He smiled sweetly at his master, looking into that young face. Even with him passed out, he looked calm, relaxed….and at ease.

"Goodnight, my Lord."


	2. Chapter 2 - A Nightmare

Cold – Chapter 2

Before you read this new chapter, I just want to say a big THANK YOU for reviewing my stories! You all get a hug from me! I love hearing your feedback, it's very much appreciated! So keep reviewing and I shall keep writing 3 3  
Btw, I forgot to add this in the first chapter: I do not own Black Butler (Kuroshitsuji), all rights belong to their rightful owners.

Now, on with the story….

**Chapter 2**

_**The Next Morning…**_

Ciel woke up the next morning. His eyes were sore and red from crying, but he didn't feel the same pain he did last night. He felt calm, relaxed…and at ease. But why? Oh yes, Sebastian came to check on him last night. But what if he ran off again? Wasn't he suppose to wake him up that morning?

Ciel shot up from his bed and looked around frantically for the demon butler, and surely enough, there he was sitting on the chair with that stupid grin on his face.

"Good morning, young Master." His smooth voice shook Ciel to the core.

"Sebastian!"

"Yes, my Lord?"

Ciel just stared at him. Just a moment ago he was shaking in fear of losing Sebastian again and now he was calm yet confused. Ciel was definitely shaken up.

"Uh…um…about last night…"

"My Lord, you have nothing to worry about. You may be the earl of the Phantomhive family, but you are still a child. From my perspective, it seems you have separation anxiety."

This alerted Ciel. "I do not! I do not have separation anxiety and I am not a child anymore! I can take care of myself, I can do things on my own, I can-"

Sebastian smoothly walked over to Ciel in one quick swift move and held him gently by my shoulders.

"My Lord, calm down."

Ciel was puffing and slightly sweating from his little outburst. His breath started to slow down as he calmed himself. It seemed that Sebastian's touch relaxed him. Strange…but it didn't bother him so much. Huh, strange again.

Ciel looked into those blood-red eyes of his demon butler and fell forward towards Sebastian's chest. The demon held his master close as Ciel listened to the soothing heartbeat next to his ear.

"Young Master, please lay back and relax for a while. I shall have your breakfast ready in a moment. I will retrieve you when ready, so please, relax."

Sebastian was about to pull away when Ciel held on tighter onto the demon as if clinging for dear life.

But Ciel would not utter a word. That would only show weakness if he begged Sebastian to stay, so he clung to him tightly.

"My Lord?"

He squeezed even tighter, if that was possible, without a word. This worried Sebastian deeply as the earl was never the one to cling onto someone or anything. He was someone who only relied on himself, never clung to the past and always moved forward. But it seemed the young Master was frozen in the moment of weakness. Sebastian grinned slightly and wrapped his arms back around the earl.

_My, my. It's like a lost child in fear of losing the only guidance in his life. _Sebastian thought.

Even without hearing a word from Ciel, he didn't need to hear his plea. Besides, actions are louder than words.

"Very well Master, I shall stay here for a while. But soon enough we will have to get you dressed and ready for another day. We can't have the earl lying in bed all day now can we?"

No response was heard from the young earl, just soft snoring and deep breathing. Sebastian sighed but smiled at the youth. How innocent and sweet.

"What a child. And yet, I don't seem so bothered by this. Strange…"

_A FEW HOURS LATER…_

"Young Master…"

Ciel woke up at the sound of the demon's voice. He opened his eyes slowly and turned his head a little to the side when he became face to face with Sebastian. His blood red eyes, his glowing snow-white skin, his raven black hair falling upon his face and the slight grin on his mouth. Ciel only just realized he was lying in bed with the demon right next to him. Did this bother him? Well, he wasn't sure.

"You are awake. Shall I serve you your lunch now?"

"W-wait, how long have I been asleep?"

"About 4 and a half hours. But you looked like you needed that rest."

He was right, Ciel had dark circles around his eyes and paler than usual. It couldn't be from just last night could it?

"Very well then. I shall have my lunch now. Dress me first though."

"Of course, Master."

After their usual routine of getting ready, they both headed down to the dining room for lunch. The three servants Finny, Mey-rin and Bard came running towards the earl.

"Oh young Master, you didn't come down for breakfast! I hope you're not sick or anything, yes I do!" Mey-rin said frantically waving her arms around.

"Yeah, we were getting real worried. I even made you a nice breakfast!" Bard said. Sebastian mentally cringed at the thought of Bard cooking.

"Are you alright, Master?" Finny asked in his usual innocent voice.

"I'm fine. I was just feeling a little unwell. But no matter, I have work to get done today so attend to your jobs now."

"Yes, Master!" All three of them said at once and ran off.

"And Bard, whatever you have cooked, may I see if it is suitable for the young Master?" Sebastian said before Bard could be out of earshot.

"Uh, I guess. Why, you can't be serious in doubting my cooking!"

Sebastian grinned. "I just want to make sure it is up to the young Master's standards. Don't take any offence to that. Although, I won't lie - I have my doubts."

After lunch, the one Sebastian cooked, Ciel went to his study to catch up on lost time on his paper work. Ciel was almost halfway through his paper work when he started to feel tired. Staring at a piece of paper and signing them countlessly does tend to make you grow weary. Especially for one who had a rough night.

He then started to drift into sleep as his head tilted to the side and as he leaned on his arms on his desk. He drifted further and further into dreamland, surrounded my fog as a chill ran up and down his spine. He could feel the cold creeping up into his skin. The air was starting to become dense as it constricted Ciel's breathing, making him choke and gasp. The cold became freezing and with the air being sucked out of his body, the ice-cold air had made it harder to breathe.

He realized that he was alone. There was no one around to save him. He could die at this moment, struggling to breathe and fighting for his life, and no one would know. He was alone…he was alone…

He tried to call out for his butler, but no sound came out from his mouth. He screamed and screamed out his name, "Sebastian, Sebastian, SEBASTIAN!" but not a sound was heard. In his head he was screaming, but not even a gasp of air could be heard. He screamed and screamed louder and louder even with no sound, each yell of his butler's name sounded even more painful. But no luck, no hope could bring his butler to him.

"SEBASTIAN! HELP MEEEEE!"

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3 - A Need For Distractions

Chapter 3

Hello and so sorry about the delay, I was finishing school and my other projects (dubbing/voice overs stuff for personal projects). But here I am with a new chapter of '**Cold'**. So PLEASE, pretty please review and let me know what you think of the story thus far.

Also, THANK YOU so much for your lovely previous reviews/comments, deeply appreciated to hear your opinion (although I will not accept rude ones but they can't be avoided).

So thank you so much again! Now please read on….

(note: no rats where harmed in the process of writing this fanfic. You will see why soon. Nothing too serious.)

Enjoy!

Ciel shot up as sweat trickled down his neck and back. His breath ragged and his head spinning. He couldn't breath properly as his body started to shake and shiver as the sweat on his skin becoming cold. But he felt a gentle grip on his shoulders, a presence near him. But this alerted him a little too much as he started to thrash without even looking at who was with him.

"Master, please do try to calm down."

The moment he heard those words from that voice he stopped immediately. _Sebastian…_

"Se-Sebastian?"

The demon smiled. "Yes, my Lord. Another nightmare I presume? Seems that you aren't having pleasant dreams nowadays, are you my Lord? Whatever could be troubling you?"

Once Ciel's mind was clear and realized he was okay, he smacked away Sebastian's hands from his shoulders and turned away.

"Nothing is troubling me. It's just a dream, nothing more. It's all in my mind, trying to play tricks that I am sick of seeing." Ciel gripped his head as his head began to swirl once again. Sebastian was starting to get a little concerned considering that he doesn't have the slightest clue of what was going on in his Master's head. Normally he'll have an idea or see clearly through Ciel. This time, things seemed lost in the mist.

Ciel straightened up. "But all is forgotten now. Bring me some tea now and something sweet. I need to distract myself. The paperwork can wait for a little while. Go."

Now that Ciel seemed like himself and not the broken child he was just a moment ago, Sebastian bowed slightly and replied, "Yes Master." He then left to prepare what his Master ordered.

As the demon butler made his way down the stairs, he bumped into Mey-Rin.

"Oh, Sebastian! Is the young Master feeling better?" She asked.

"He seems to be fine. But do not worry, I can take care of him. He just needs to relax for a while." Sebastian looked over at Mey-Rin's work and his eyebrow rose at the sight. Mey-Rin was confused.

"Sebastian, is something the matter?"

"Mey-Rin, what did you use to clean the steps?"

"Oh, well I used this thing I found in the cupboard and it looked like a cleaning-AHHHH!"

Mey-Rin looked at her work and yelped when she realized something.

"Oh no! I used some sort of bleach instead of the wood cleaner! Oh no, this is terrible! Sebastian!"

Sebastian just face-palmed and shook his head. "Mey-Rin, please do clean this up as soon as possible."

"Yes sir, right away sir!" Mey-Rin ran like a cheetah towards the cupboards where the cleaning tools were and frantically started to 'fix' the problem. Sebastian left her to her duties and headed to the kitchen to prepare the tea and cake.

Meanwhile, Ciel was in his study standing at the window, watching birds fly by and the wind gently dancing with the trees. All seemed so peaceful. Almost too peaceful…and quiet. So why does a dream have to crush all that peacefulness? Why can't these nightmares, these fears, just disappear? He was born to end up alone, he lived in darkness and came back to fight the shadows. So why now has the darkness have him so tight in its grasp? Was there something wrong with Ciel? He couldn't tell. There was a knock on the door, which made Ciel jump out of his skin.

"Young Master, I have your tea and cake prepared." Sebastian called as he came into the study room with a trolley and refreshments. Ciel didn't say a word. Sebastian pushed the trolley towards Ciel's desk and poured the steaming hot earl grey into the cup and placed it on the desk along with the piece of cake.

"I have prepared your usual earl grey tea with a slice of Black Forest cake with crème fresh and blackberry jam with cherries."

Ciel turned to his desk and sat down and took a small bite of the cake. He hummed in satisfaction as the sweetness made him forget all the pondering he did in the last few minutes while waiting in his study.

"It is rather nice. You may go now."

"Yes my Lord." Sebastian bowed and pushed the trolley with him out of the study. But just as he closed the study door, the three servants ran right past him and screaming like children.

"Quick! Catch him, we don't want to let him get away!" Finny yelled as he was waving around a net.

""Damn rats! Why are they so quick?!" Bard bellowed out as he swung around a fly swatter.

"Quickly, he's getting away!" Mey-Rin squealed.

Sebastian just sighed at the sight of those three. They were now coming his way as the rat changed directions and ran towards Sebastian. All three servants screaming and yelling like idiots as they chased on. As soon as the blasted rat was about an inch near Sebastian's foot, he stepped on the little rat hard enough to kill it. The three servants stopped in their tracks as they saw Sebastian kill the little pest. He picked it up,

"Honestly, I don't know what you three would do if I wasn't anywhere nearby to fix a simple job." He then threw the dead rat into the net Finny was holding and pushed the trolley along and continued his duties.

In the study, Ciel already finished the cake and tea and finished the paperwork. He was now done for today, but he still had some people to come over to talk about the company and their future plans for business.

'_What a bother. But, a necessary bother since I am the head of the Phantomhive family. Still…I don't feel like seeing anyone.' _Ciel thought.

Not long after, Sebastian came in with a letter.

"My Lord, I have a letter from your Majesty. It seems there's another case for us to investigate. But, I am aware that this is no ordinary case, Master. This case involves...something unsual."

_To Be Continued…_


	4. Chapter 4 - Reconsider

**My faithful readers – PLEASE READ FIRST!**

**I do apologize for the VERY long wait for the next chapter. Excuses, excuses, but I was indeed busy with a lot of things - school, life and so on. But in truth, I could not think of how I was going to write chapter four, there were a few ideas but they didn't seem fit for another chapter worth reading. **

**So I decided to re-watch just a few episodes of Black Butler to get some sort of kick into my writing gear and finally I had something. So, if you find this chapter unsatisfying, I am sorry but I tried really. **

**Anyway, without further ado – read, enjoy and review!**

**Thank you!**

"Unusual? Aren't all the cases we've encountered normally unusual?" Ciel questioned, finding things odd enough already if Sebastian found something out of the ordinary.

"That is correct, however I was quite baffled by the evidence that was found."

"Wait hang on, you've witnessed the crime scene already?" Ciel looked up at his butler.

"Yes, it was on the way from when you gave me that little errand to London a while back. I thought nothing of it until something had me curious. After a while of thinking, this letter came and I was certain that it was from her Majesty. It couldn't have been a coincidence that I happened to run into it."

Okay, either Sebastian was not telling him something or he was thoroughly confused. He almost forgot that he had sent Sebastian out on a small errand not long ago.

"So what exactly did you find at the crime scene?"

"It appears that the evidence that was left at the crime scene happened to be a trail of white feathers. Any ordinary human would assume it was some sort of white bird. But I have my suspicions as well."

Ciel looked at Sebastian carefully, seeing if there was a faint smirk or grin on that demon's face. There wasn't.

"And what would they be?"

Sebastian was silent for a moment before answering, "An angel."

An angel? What business could an angel have in this world?

"An angel?"

"Yes. Although, I do not have even the slightest idea of what such a being could be doing around this area."

Well, there goes his next question.

"Sir, even as an order from her Majesty, I would advise to not go into investigating this case."

Ciel leaned back into his chair. "Don't be ridiculous, Sebastian. An order is an order, whether from myself or even the Queen, it must be done. As a butler, as my servant, you should know that."

Sebastian's eyebrows drew together slightly. "Of course my Lord. I am very well aware of what you are saying, but at least take into consideration of what this may involve."

Ciel was getting a little frustrated with Sebastian. Either the fact that Sebastian seemed like he was only telling half of what he knows or that something was really out there that even scared the demon butler. He doubted the second thought - that was impossible.

"Sebastian, we've been through situations where my very own life was on the line. This is simply another case, another order from her Majesty. If anything, you'll be there to protect me. That is your job, our contract. Have you forgotten your place on the chessboard already? We do what the Queen asks us to do, it is my duty. Understood?"

Sebastian sighed but not obvious enough for Ciel to notice. "Perfectly, my young Lord."

"I don't want to make my point clear again, but just remember that I would not be able to maintain the Phantomhive name if I didn't follow her Majesty's orders like the guard dog I am so often called."

After a little while, Sebastian served Ciel some tea before going to prepare for the evening's meal. As he pushed the trolley down the hall, his mind wandered a bit.

'As usual, the young Master is stubborn enough to not take the hint of my worries.' Sebastian thought, replaying some of Ciel's words in his mind.

"_If anything, you'll be there to protect me. That is your job, our contract."_

'I'm afraid young Master, that even though I vowed to protect you with my very own life, I have a slim feeling that this time may not be as easy to keep you safe. I do wish that was not true, but it seems impossible to assume it. Master…if only you'd understand where I'm coming from.'

Sebastian made it to the kitchen and went to clean the teapot and utensils before going to check on the three servants and just how much damage they've caused this time.

As usual, disaster was in front of his eyes. But why did he feel not as irritated as he usually does when things like this happen?

"Mey-rin." He simply said as he saw the maid picking up shards of broken porcelain. They were soon dropped as Mey-rin jumped up in surprise.

"Se-Sebastian!"

Sebastian sighed deeply. "Clean this mess up as quickly as possible. I'll be ordering new dishware soon." And with that, he walked away.

Mey-rin was somehow relieved that Sebastian didn't scold her as badly as he would normally do, along with the others. But he seemed distracted. That wasn't like Sebastian. Mey-rin stood there with pieces of the broken dishes in her hand, wondering what could be on the butler's mind.

"I wonder what's wrong with Sebastian…he doesn't seem like himself. Oh! Right, I have to clean up!"

Sebastian went to find Finny and Bard, and they too found Sebastian to be a lot less irritated and bossy. He seemed so distant yet still focused. Sebastian was a master at not letting anyone know how he was feeling but at this moment, he had let go of that mask for a while, not even knowing himself that he seemed so distracted, like his mind was constantly speaking to him.

What is it that Sebastian could be so worried about?

_To be Continued…_


End file.
